“Dating” a word defined by the Webster dictionary as: ” [to] go out with”. Three simple words to define such a complicated life commitment. Growing up this word seemed so far out of reach. Something I watched play-out on Hallmark during the holiday season, but never something I could actually do. Why? Well I was this thing called “gay”, I just didn’t quite know it at the time. Perched on the arm of lazy-boy -I longed to be swept away by my own Prince Charming…preferably in the snow around Christmas-time. This desire persisted through much of my early-teens.
Social media and dating apps to gay people are like the bingo church to elderly people. It presented me with a plethora of potential Prince Charmings at my finger-tips. I didn’t know how to handle all of this. It felt like the glass window that stood in-front of dating had been shattered, and I was left to pick up the pieces. Except I’m not a glassworker and the window has zero chance of ever being returned to its original state. In a stat released by The Advocate same-sex relationships make up only 2% of the worlds relationships but of that percentage 70% of these couples met online.
Finding “love” through social media can broaden who you meet but also limit the authenticity of the “connection” (the quotes emphasize the sarcasm). It only capitalizes on the the very prominent hookup culture in the gay community. Dr. Greg Mendelson, a clinical psychologist who studies dating in the queer community, stated in an article on Global News: “There’s many advantages to being queer within the LGBTQ community, but within that, there’s a lot of people who do struggle to find a long-term partner”. This could stem from the deep emotional scars many LGBTQ+ people carry from difficult pasts or even presents. LGB adults are twice as likely to struggle from a mental health issue than heterosexual adults according the the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Long-term dating can often re-ignite these traumatic emotions felt from opression and marginilizarion from past experiences.
I experienced just this over break. I laid in my bed staring at the ceiling. My room set to a cool 65 degrees and it even cooler outside. I paced through thoughts in my head of how in the world am I gonna tell my parents that I am going on a date? I thought coming was difficult, but this, this was different. This was sealing the deal. It was solidifying to my parents that this was the life I am choosing to lead and there’s no turning back now. I felt like I was back at school sitting in my principal’s office explaining to him how I am trying to seek help for my homosexuality again (that’s a whole other post). It was a feeling of exposure, and vulnerability. Now I understood. I understood why dating as a gay person was so complex. Why people were so afraid of commitment. I took a deep breath, pushed the covers off me and headed downstairs.
Daily Dawson 